


The Hardest Choice

by OriginofChaos



Category: Smosh
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3860653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginofChaos/pseuds/OriginofChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It can be hard to choose between your greatest desire and the most significant man in your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hardest Choice

Ian had always had a dream. He dreamt about moving to Germany. The first thought about it appeared in his mind when he was seven years old. He liked that idea so much that he started thinking about it a lot. When he was nine, he started to learn German by himself. He adored this language. He loved the way how the same sentence could be interpreted differently only with the intonation changing. He liked the way the words sounded. He enjoyed speaking this language even though no one except him knew it properly.

By the age of 15, he'd become obsessed with the idea of moving to Germany. He decided in what town he would live – it was a small town near Munich, so he could take a job here and live in the nice quiet town. At least he hoped so. He studied everything about that country; he even found a citizenship test and started to prepare to pass it. Anthony, the best friend of his, told him that he became crazy with his obsession, but Ian didn't want to hear anything about it. When he was 16, Ian moved with Anthony to their own house, and eventually he started forgetting about his dream. By the age of 20 he completely stopped thinking about it.

On his 23rd birthday Ian's mother found a note on her fridge from her son. She was surprised because it was so long since Ian visited her last time. She opened the note and started reading.

_Hi Mum,_

_I left for Germany for 2 weeks. You know I always wanted to move to this country so I decided to check if it's worth it. Don't worry about me; I have a place to live, I have money and I know the language. But there are couple of things I want you to do. Don't call me or get in touch with me. I turned my phone off and I will stay offline everywhere. And please, please, if someone asks you where I am, don't tell them. Even Anthony._

_I love you._

That was it – one of the greatest moments in Ian's life. He travelled to his dream country all alone. He hadn't had any relatives or even friends there and he didn't bring anyone with him. He even considered his trip as a date. A date with the country he loved with all his heart. That's why he shut down and left his phone and logged out of all of his accounts everywhere.

This was the best 2 weeks in Ian's life. He travelled across the country sightseeing and visited the town he wanted to live. He could say that everything was perfect and he fell in love with the country even more. Moreover, he finally decided to move here. The main problem was to tell it to Anthony.

Anthony wasn't keen on Ian's idea of moving to another country. He had always been making fun of it and he didn't actually think that Ian is really going to move. When his obsession went out, Anthony sighed with relief. He could feel calm because Ian was going to stay here with him forever. And Ian's decision could actually break Anthony's heart. He wouldn't move with Ian because he didn't like Germany, at least, as much as Ian. But Ian didn't want to leave his best friend. And this choice was literally breaking Ian's heart in pieces.

The vacation was over, and Ian came back home. Everything at home felt so different now. It felt... wrong. Like it was just a house he lived in, nothing more. He shivered. The feeling was unbearable. He already missed his beloved country and he felt the desire, the need to leave, to move there as soon as possible. But he couldn't do that like he did then. Ian's heart started aching. Then he heard heavy steps and saw Anthony walking out the hallway. Anthony stared at Ian in shock and his face reddened with anger.

“Where the fuck have you been, you bastard?!” He started screaming not waiting Ian to say hello. “Two fucking weeks! 14 fucking days!!! Don't you think you could say something to me?! I called your fucking mum every shitty day, and all she said was 'oh, I don't know where he is' but she knew, I can fucking tell!!!”

Ian was listening Anthony bursting out speechless. He hadn't thought his silent departure would affect him so much.

“I fucking thought we were friends! Best friends, you know! Do you know the definition of these words, you fucker? How could you even dare to leave and say nothing to me?” Anthony's voice became hoarse and he was almost crying. “I called every your friend, every hospital, every morgue, all to no avail! Do you... Do you know how it hurts?”

“I... I'm sorry, Anthony...” Ian whispered.

“You better do, bitch! So you didn't answer, where have you been?”

“I was in Germany,” Ian answered and felt a huge lump in his throat. “And... I need something to tell you.”

“No. No. No, no, no. No, you can't. You can't do that! You can't leave me!” Anthony's cry was almost hysterical. “Please, tell me you want to say something else, please, I'm begging you...”

“I'm sorry, but... I'm moving there. I don't feel like home here anymore. I...” Ian felt the tears slipping down his cheeks. “I don't want to leave you, but...”

“You are son of a bitch,” Anthony sobbed.

“I know. Actually, I want you to move with me. If you want to.”

“You know I don't. But I don't want to lose you.”

“Me too,” Ian sighed heavily. “There are only two valuable things in my life – you and Germany. And if I could combine you both, I'd be the happiest man alive. And the fact I need to choose between you and my dream is breaking my heart. I can't live here anymore, it doesn't feel like home. I can't lose you – you're my best friend and the best man I've ever known.”

The sound of the slammed door was the only answer.

Ian didn't know what to do. It was the hardest choice in his life. His head and heart were aching. He went to his bedroom, collapsed on the floor and started crying his heart out with desperation. There was nothing he could choose and be happy. He felt numb and crushed. 'If this is how the life goes, I don't want to live any more,' he thought and horrified by how he could even come up with that.

The door opened and Anthony entered his bedroom. Ian didn't even spot him. Anthony quietly approached and sat beside him. Ian raised his head and looked at him. Tears started falling down again, and he put his head on Anthony's shoulder.

“I don't want to give up any of you,” Ian cried. “I want you always to be by my side but I can't live here. I... I don't know what to do.”

“You should go,” Anthony whispered.

“What?”

“You should go. I thought about it a lot, actually. It's your dream, after all. You shouldn't abandon it. And I have no right to forbid you to make your dreams come true. It wouldn't be fair.”

“But... What about you?” Ian sobbed.

“Don't worry about me. I will be happy if I know you're happy.” Anthony tried to smile.

“But I won't... I can't be happy without you...”

Anthony took Ian's chin to raise his head and forced him to look into his eyes.

“We can get in touch, you know. There's a lot of ways. We can talk every day. We can get used to it. It's hard, but we can. You need to go, Ian.”

“I'll... I'll miss you so much,” Ian managed to say.

***

It was 5 years since this conversation. Ian moved to Germany, bought a house and found a job but he still needed 3 more years before he could apply for citizenship. Finally he felt like home but something was missing. At first he and Anthony were talking daily for hours, but it became rare occasions because of time zones and their jobs. Ian missed his best friend badly. He wanted to get back but he knew that it wasn't good idea. He wished Anthony moved with him. There was an enormous hole in his heart he couldn't repair with their online chats and phone calls.

Ian was celebrating his 28th birthday. He was alone in his house because he didn't feel like being with his friends. A cake with 28 burning candles was in front of him.

“Zum Geburtstag viel Glück, zum Geburtstag viel Glück, zum Geburtstag liebe Ian, zum Geburtstag viel Glück,” he sang to himself and sighed. It was time to make a wish. Ian made it up and prepared to blow up the candles, but then he heard a knock in his door.

“I told everyone I want to be alone today!” he groaned making his way to the door. When he opened it, he blinked a few times and stood speechless.

“Happy birthday, dude!”

“Anthony...”

He hugged his friend so tight as if he wanted to squash him. Tears of happiness were soaking Anthony's shirt.

“Easy, tiger,” Anthony chuckled. “I don't want you to break my bones!”

“I missed you so much,” Ian sobbed. “How long are you going to stay?”

“You know, everything was so dull and sad since you left. And I missed you too. So... Can I move in?”


End file.
